It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
honey bunches of taint.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
