I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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