We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Can I color on your dick again?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
