Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I enjoy the company of your penis
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
