i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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