I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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