I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
