i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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