I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
