the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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