remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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