eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
