Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
