Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
