if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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