dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
