I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
