Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
