What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Farmville is her only friend.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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