He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
