Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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