she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
