If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
