We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
