Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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