4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
