This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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