I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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