it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
