I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
