to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just gift wrapped bread.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize