The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
