whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
