last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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