Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
