I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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