before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He did a backflip because drugs
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