if only i could text you this smell
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
