Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
