If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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