This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize