She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
