The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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