I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
