Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
