woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
