I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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