Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize