Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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