You're so nebulous sometimes
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
