I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
