I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
