We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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