The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Did I show you my penis last night?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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