then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
it's like iHOP with fire
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
