Pappa wants mamma naked
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
