He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
