Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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