Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize