so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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