If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
