I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
