Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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